Are manipulators insecure or selfish? Actually no. Let’s agree ” What they did ain’t right”, and not delve into if they came from a dysfunctional family, and “Did they not feel loved?”. To answer the question, ” Why do they do that?”, will require your imagination to understand how their kind of love isn’t selfish.
Imagine a planet where people desire to get things their own way. If you were a “good and rational person” on that planet, how would you ensure you had a loving relationship that would last? Imagine on that planet you found a beautiful, smart, strong healthy dog with free will that can talk.
You adore everything about it, it is valuable to you. It runs to see you when you get home! Because you love it so much, you will put a leash on it and keep it close, and safe; you will train it to understand your thoughts, read your moods, emotions and know your expectations. Why? So really bad things don’t happen to your best friend. For those of us that see animals as people, this is easier to understand. My dog has free will he can run off and not return at any time he is off-leash. What if he got hurt one day, and didn’t come back? The manipulator’s loved one is on a leash for the loved one’s own protection and the sake of their love. They have to be trained not to question them, to think and respond the way they should; otherwise, bad things could happen to the amazing love and relationship they have together. In their minds, manipulators are acting in a loving, protective manner to have the best relationship ever! T
They are doing it for the good of their loved one and the relationship. Isn’t it best if the object of their love is emotionally bonded with them, thinks, and acts as one with them? This is a type of emotional perversion of “two becoming one”. They simply can not comprehend unconditional love from a place of giving and acceptance. That would be messy, risky, and isn’t as productive a manner to accomplish a loving wonderful relationship.
Without control, life is conflict; their love wouldn’t be as good, because the love would have conflict. They are loving- in the only way they understand it. And no, you can’t help them see it your way. Your way simply doesn’t make any good sense. You are wrong in their eyes. You have to train the one you love in order to have a good and lasting relationship.
We understand ( but they don’t) that in a personal relationship manipulation is not only devastating to the object of their love but harmful to the manipulator. This is why in other countries, emotional abuse is a criminal offense.
World wide 1 in 7 men, and 1 in 4 women are affected.
You cant’ reason with them to understand, or love enough to have them feel ” secure”. They aren’t like you. They can not understand. No matter what you do, they can not love in a healthy way. They love from 3 faces, or hearts: Master, Savior, Victim. If you believe you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, call a hotline.
Operating around the clock, seven days a week, confidential and free of cost, the National Domestic Violence Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Callers to The Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) can expect highly trained, experienced advocates to offer compassionate support, crisis intervention information, educational services, and referral services in more than 200 languages. Visitors to this site can find information about domestic violence, online instructional materials, safety planning, local resources, and ways to support the organization.
This same principle applies to the manipulative boss, coworker, and buyer or seller of real estate, and even the larger community as a whole. The manipulator knows the best way to get to a productive outcome. If you are buying or selling real estate in Central Florida, hire a Certified Negotiations Expert ( CNE) to help.