At times when I’ve listened to a Buyers agent about a Buyer’s position or heard of tragic harm on the news and I’m reminded of when my daughter was three years old, and because she thought the neighbor’s flowers were beautiful she walked over and pulled them up. As a good mother, I couldn’t accept ” I didn’t mean to”. “But, you didn’t mean NOT to”, had to be my reply.
My mother taught, and I passed on, this level of conscientiousness.
Here is my mother’s recipe for resting in UNENCUMBERED PEACE OF MIND, because being true to yourself comes with the responsibility to not knowingly affect your joy or another’s without their knowledge/agreement.
1) Decide who you are. You must have a preset standard for the level of accountability that you will hold yourself to.
ACCOUNTABILITY to know and to be yourself is paramount to maintaining self-respect and emotional health.
1a) What level of emotional, mental, and physical peace and safety do you possess to demonstratively share with others and
1b) What do you require- how much emotional, mental, and physical peace and safety are you willing to negotiate to be in a relationship with others?
2) Diligently DO actions and REFRAIN from actions; always take others into consideration based on who YOU STATE YOU ARE.
When someone causes you harm it is your responsibility to move forward with integrity towards yourself, and minimize your own regret while not judging others.
• navigate every relationship wisely in a prosocial manner to remove yourself from harm – base it on the level of risk you are willing to take to all aspects of your self-respect
•hold others accountable in a kind, respectful, and firm manner taking both your self-respect and the context of how they see themselves into account
•know you have no control over others and be willing to walk away, trusting that God is sovereign over your needs and desires
ITS THE SAME IF YOU ARE A SELLER WHOSE BUYER DIDN’T DEPOSIT THE CORRECT ESCROW AMOUNT ON TIME, OR A WIFE WHOSE HUSBAND JUST VIOLATED A NONNEGOTIABLE IN YOUR MARRIAGE.
HOW DO YOU DEMONSTRATE RESPECT WHEN LIFE TAKES A TURN?
If you are the one that has to breach an agreement, the only prosocial way to handle it with any degree of personal integrity, and obtain any degree of “emotional pardon” is through a type of anticipatory repudiation.
You must clearly tell the other in advance, as soon as you know, that due to previously unforeseen knowledge or circumstances, you can not fulfill the terms you agreed to. You will still be liable to be responsible to the other party for the breach, and as such will have to make amends by acknowledging the harm and making restitution for the damages. This is the self-respecting way to handle it with emotional integrity with respect to yourself and the other party. To do otherwise, or to state ” things change” flippantly is a reveling to the world WHO YOU ARE, and the degree you are willing to damage others.
WHAT RESTITUTION?
Whether you have broken the seller’s pipes during the inspection, cost them additional interest on their mortgage by not closing on time, or with your words and actions changed how your wife sees you, yourself, and the relationship, you are responsible for restoring to good condition that which was damaged and also to restore what was lost or taken away.
One is accountable to WITH INTENT manage:
• one’s self in a manner that minimizes the damage one does to another.
• your decision to accept, renegotiate or leave the agreement which has been breached by another party