When said to an adult these can cause self-doubt and an imbalance of emotional power in the relationship. The goal of each is to make the other feel emotionally or intellectually inferior to the speaker.
- If you are so unhappy/ miserable why are you still here?
- If you are so unhappy, why don’t you leave?
- Why are you so insecure?
- Are you so insecure that you have to go through all of my things and check/spy on me?
- Why can’t you trust people, are you that messed up?
- You are just being mean.
- Why won’t you let me love you?
- This is why you are alone.
- This is why no one loves/ likes you.
- This is why you don’t have friends.
- No one really likes you.
- No wonder no one likes you.
- No one will tell you, but you__________
- You don’t have friends you have clients/co-workers/etc.
- You are just trying to hurt me.
- You enjoy causing trouble don’t you?
- You think you are so good/perfect. You aren’t good/perfect.
- You are so unfair.
- I hurt you? What about me?
- The only person you care about is yourself and your needs.
- You only think about yourself.
- You are so selfish.
- Don’t you ever think of anyone besides yourself?
- Nothing ever makes you happy.
- You say you are a loving Christian, but you just can’t forgive and move on, can you?
- Why are you bringing up the past? You just can’t let things go, can you?
- I’m so much better off without you.
- You owe me.
- I do everything for you.
- You are nothing without me.
- You were so messed up when you met me.
- There’s a reason you don’t have any friends.
- If you’d just listened to me, everything would be better.
- Can’t you be quiet?
- Can’t you leave me things alone?
- Do you always have to interrupt me?
- You talk to hear yourself talk.
- You think you can just come in here and talk to me/hurt me like this?
- You think you can just come to my work and check up on me anytime you want to?
- It’s not that big a deal.
- So what?
- So I lied.
- I still love you; you are the one that doesn’t love me.
- It’s all about you, isn’t it?
- Everything has to be your way, doesn’t it?
- It’s your way or the highway.
- I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you all the time.
- I can’t say anything to you.
- You twist everything I say.
- You put words in my mouth.
- You won’t let me make it better.
- There’s nothing I can do to convince you.
- You think you are so smart.
- If you loved me you’d give us another chance.
- Why won’t you let me try to be the man/woman you deserve, you know I can.
- You are so unfair.
- You have an unrealistic idea of what a relationship is.
- You don’t know how to have a real relationship.
- This is exactly why no one loves you.
- Can’t you see, you are unhappy because you don’t want to be happy?
- Can’t you see, you are the one choosing to be unhappy? I’m trying my best.
- This is why your family left you.
- I see where ( inset person who rejected or abandoned you) is coming from now.
- Maybe you don’t deserve a family, have you ever thought about that?
- You are the one that’s controlling.
- You just keep hurting me.
- You just don’t care how much I’m hurting.
- No one tells you the truth because you don’t listen to anyone.
- The only person you care about is yourself.
- Good luck finding someone who will love you as much as I do.
- Just remember no one will love you as much as I do.
- Why do you think no one has ever loved you?
- The common denominator is you, I’d look in the mirror if I was you.
- No one can ever measure up to your standards.
- No one is good enough for you.
- People like you use kindness as a weapon.
- I’m tired of being hurt by you.
- I should have known better, everyone ( even my friends,family) can see you aren’t emotionally stable.
- You won’t let anyone get close to you.
- You are so afraid of people. You are really messed up.
- You say one thing and do another.
- You say you will give me a chance, and then you pull the rug out from under me when I’m truly trying to do everything you want, and let you have your way.
- You think you are the only one that knows how to have a relationship and the rest of us are stupid.
- All you do is lecture me on how I need to be.
- You say you love me, but you aren’t acting loving toward me.
- Everything has to be just so, or you threaten to leave/ do run away.
- But you always come back, don’t you? Because all of this is just coming from your own insecurities. It’s not me and you know it.
- You aren’t going to find the perfect man/ woman.
- No one will ever be good enough for you.
- You don’t think Im hurting in all of this?
- It’s not that bad, but you just have to make everything/it a big deal.
- I’m so tired of trying not to trigger your insecurities.
- You need to look inside yourself and figure out what’s wrong with you.
- Everyone is out to get you…isn’t that right?
- Everyone mistreats you, don’t they?
- Maybe It’s not everyone else, have you ever thought of that?
- Maybe you need to look at being more loving and easier to get along with.
- I only lied because I didn’t want to lose you.
- I only lied because I was afraid you were leaving me.
- I only lied because you caught me off guard and it sounded like you were setting me up. I felt I had to protect myself.
- You made me lie to you. You would just give me the benefit of the doubt.
- I’m a good man, you just don’t appreciate me.
- If I can’t then no one will ever make you happy.
- No one will ever satisfy you.
- You just won’t accept that I love you so much.
- Why do you keep pushing me away?
- It’s always something with you. It just can’t be easy.
- You don’t want anyone to love you, do you?
- You are always blaming me.
- I’m not perfect and you just can’t accept me like I am, and love me as I am, can you?
- You never loved me, from the beginning you tried to change me. and I tried to live up to your standards, I truly did.
- I told you that I wasn’t perfect.
- You have unrealistic expectations. You will never be happy.
- You are too sensitive.
- This isn’t that big a deal.
- Why do you have to make everything a big deal?
- So I look at pictures of other women, it isn’t like I’m cheating on you.
- I am the only one that’s there for you and you are throwing it away over nothing.
- It just pictures, and to tell you the truth, you make me feel like I’m not good enough for you.
- You make me feel like I have to perform.
- You are always pushing yourself on me.
- You won’t just let me love you like normal.
- You are so demanding.
- I look at pictures because It’s just easier and it makes me feel good about myself, unlike how you make me feel.
- You never validate me, and just make me feel good about myself.
- You are always quick to point out how good you are, well you aren’t.
- You are the selfish one, not me.
- Poor, you. Always being rejected.
- You just like to play the victim, don’t you?
- You aren’t going to make this my fault.
- What was I supposed to do; when you don’t get your way you make everything and everyone miserable.
- I was just trying to make sure we have a good relationship.
- You made me cover things up just to make you happy.
- Everyone lies…. It wasn’t that big a deal.
- You are obviously damaged, but it wasn’t me. You said it yourself, your family used you. You have real issues.
- What’s in your head and how bad you are hurt isn’t my fault you obviously need to deal with your many issues.
- You are making me pay for everything everyone else has ever done to you.
- I didn’t lie, I just didn’t understand what you wanted, what you were asking, what you expected from me.
- I love and need you but you won’t let me show you how much I love you.
- I’ve done my best. Shame on you for making me jump through hoops to prove I love you.
- She meant nothing to me, why won’t you believe that?
- You are just like your family.
- You are no better than your family.
- You are turning out just like your mom/ dad.
- Your family hates me, what are we going to do?
- Your family wants to break us up. What are we going to do?
- If you do _______I won’t like you anymore. Only weak people do that.
- I’m not the one that’s crazy.
- You are driving me crazy.
- You are manic.
- Please, let me be, just go away.
- Why do you always want to pick a fight?
- Can’t things just be nice?
- Just think happy thoughts.
- Things are nice right now, don’t spoil it by bringing that up again.
- How many times do I have to tell you no?
- You aren’t going to like my answer if you keep asking.
- Stop bothering me about that.
- Can’t you stop talking?
- Just shut up.
- Shut your mouth, or you will be sorry.
- How can I respect you, when you don’t respect yourself?
- Go look in the mirror. You are the problem with our relationship.
- You have to stop feeling guilty about not being there for your family and focus on us for a change.
- You are all over the place with your emotions.
- Can’t you control yourself?
- Get ahold of yourself or I will.
- Turn around, and walk away if you know what’s good for you.
- You didn’t see anything.
- I’m not telling you anything.
- That’s not for you to decide. I make the decisions. If I want your opinion I’ll ask for it.
- I’ll make the decision and let you know.
- I can’t believe you are questioning me. You don’t need to know that.
- How many times do I have to tell you to stop questioning me?
- You are hostile.
- You have an active imagination. Don’t you ever give it a rest?
- You think too much.
- I’m so tired of hearing about it.
- All you do is whine.
- Can’t you be still/quiet for once, and let me hear myself think?
- I don’t know. I never thought about it.
- Who thinks that way? You aren’t (that’s not) normal.
- No one thinks/feels that way.
- Your parents lied to you/ controlled you.
- Do you always do everything your mom says?
- What makes you think your mom is always right?
- Don’t you know how to think for yourself?
- You are so naive.
- You don’t have any idea what the rest of the world is like.
- You aren’t going to tell me what to do.
- You are going to listen to me.
- Don’t walk away from/turn your back on me.
- You always want to avoid the real issue…You______.
- You wouldn’t know the truth if it bit you on the lip.
- You just can’t see when you are wrong, can you?
- Do you listen to yourself?
- Just look at yourself.. how pathetic.
- You just don’t know what’s good for you.
- You don’t know what a healthy relationship is.
- You come from a broken family, how do you expect to know how to be a good spouse?
- It’s not your fault that you don’t know how to talk/ act/ think/feel your family is messed up.
- You need to decide between us and your family.
- When are you going to grow up and think for yourself?
- Why don’t you join the rest of us in the real world?
- You live in a fantasy world.
- It must be really hard being you. How do you do it?
- Can’t you get it through your thick skull?
- If it were anyone else, it’d be funny, but instead, it’s just so sad that you think that way.
- You can’t see how you use people.
- You can’t see how everyone feels about you.
- How sad you are.
- You aren’t going to just walk away.
- You are going to stay right hear and listen to me, do you understand?
- Why do you always feel so guilty? What’s wrong with you?
- No one feels like you do.
- You just aren’t right in the head.
- What’s wrong with you that you don’t think I love you?
- How do you think you will take care of yourself?
- How’s that going to work out for you?
- Do you think they still care about you after you treated them that way?
- That’s it, run back to your mom.
- You are just spoiled, you know that?
- Obviously, no one cared enough to teach you good manners.
- I swear if you don’t stop talking….
- I get it, you just need attention from other people to feel good about yourself.
- You need to seek for a therapist / spiritual help.
- I never said /did that.
- Everything you do is wrong.
- This relationship is $#@* because of you.
- You only think about yourself.
- You always like to play the victim.
- I don’t remember what you are saying.
- I’m Sorry to hurt you. I was not in mood, but it was your fault.
- You love to fight/generate conflicts.
- You are emotionally unstable / immature.
- You’re not a victim!
- You’re poking the bear.
- It’s like you LIKE this!
- That didn’t happen.
- You need help.
- You’re overreacting.
- You’re acting crazy.
- I don’t remember me saying that.
- How do you know I said that, cause it was me saying it.
- You’re too emotional.
- You took that wrong.
- You make me angry/act out.
- It’s your fault.
- You did that to yourself.
- You hurt your own feelings.
- You’re the problem.
- There you go again ” playing the victim”.
- You are a drama queen.
- My behavior toward other women is not flirting. It’s just my friendly personality.
- You’re making things up.
- I think you are having memory problems. You may need professional help.
- You are an even bigger narcissist.
- Why are you giving up on me?
- Your attitude is what’s wrong here.
- I’ve never had this problem with anyone until I met you.
- I didn’t do anything wrong, this was your fault.
- ( not bothering to respond, rolling their eyes, and waving as they walk away making a guttural exhaustive sound in their throat.
- That’s just how you see it because you’re too emotional.
- I guess you don’t see reality.
- Your perception of things is different that others.
- You’re just a sensitive person.
- ( eye rolling) Here we go again. It’s always something with you every other day.
- It wasn’t serious. I was just flirting.
- Are you happy now?!
- I’m not the same person I used to be because of you.
- Why do you always have to fight!
- You were so mad at me, and now you are fixated on me staying.
- You’re overthinking.
- “Satan, Get thee away from this woman!”
- Lower your voice.
- You’re paranoid.
- Everything would be fine if you just ___________.
- ( exaggerated sighs and grunts).
- We’ve spoken about this.
- Hurting me must make you happy, cause you just won’t stop.
- It’s OK to need reassurance.
- You’re too much.
- You over think things.
- You should see a psychiatrist.
- I’m entitled to a private life.
- I’ll change.
- ( Turning the main topic of conversation into your reaction and not what caused the reaction.)
- Okay, believe what you want.
- That’s not how it happened.
- You were traumatized before I came around so now you accuse me of everything.
- Why would I say that to you? I love you.
- What’s wrong with you?
- No one will love you like I do.
- You’re crossing a line.
- You need to stop and think about what you are saying. Do you really want the consequences?
- No one will want you the way you look.
- I was just joking. ( after saying something hurtful)
- Give me an example right now that you can think of. You can’t can you. You don’t know anything.
- You just gotta be the boss.
- The thing about you is________.
- I’m tired of you beating me up with your mouth.
- Why are you doing this to me?
- Your own kids won’t even talk to you!
- I’m the only one who understands you.
- Why do you constantly being up the past? I can’t remember that!
- You’re acting like a man.
- The thing about it is________.
- You’re own mom doesn’t want anything to do with you. ( after isolating you )
- Your friends can’t stand to be around you.
- Are you mad now?
- The reason we fight is because of you.
- Feelings aren’t real.
- You’re psychotic.
- Why don’t you go call your mom.
- You don’t even have any friends.
- (Laughs/cackles at you, ignores you, sometimes refused to talk for days, won’t look at you)
- You’re controlling.
- You are trying to change me; if that’s not controlling I don’t know what is.
- You’re the one that gaslights.
- (Diagnoses you – saying you have bipolar disorder /personality disorder/etc)
- Have you spoken to your therapist?
- You never tell your therapist the truth, you lie.
- I already know what you are going to do.
- There is no point in trying.
- You must have interpreted it wrong.
- ( egging friends or family on to be disrespectful to you)
- No one wants you here.
- The problem is I don’t set boundaries with you.
- Lower your voice the whole neighborhood can hear you.
- Your bipolar and need help.
- Stop playing the victim.
- You’re the one who ______.
- I was just reacting to you.
- You don’t REALLY think that.
- I just don’t understand how you twist everything into your reality.
- This isn’t Bambi reality.
- I think you need help do you want me to pay for therapy?
- You tricked me into this relationship.
- you take everything too personally.
- You can’t take the things I say to you in anger so serious.
- I never said that. Prove it. When did I say that?
- You misinterpret everything I say.
- You ruined my life.
- I never said that, you’re trying to gaslight me.
- I don’t know how them girls got on my friends list, I never put them on there.
- I just messaged her to see if you would get mad.
- You’re just looking for a reason to fight.
- I’m not playing your kiddy games.
- Where you been? Who were you with all day?
- You imagined it.
- You’re explosive.
- I can’t sit here biting my nails worrying about how you are going to react.
- You need to calm down.
- You’re the one who ______
- No wonder you don’t have any friends.
- What about when you _____
- Feel free to be wrong.
- You don’t know how you come across do you?
- I’m going to stop you right there.
- I lied because I was scared of how you might react.
- I don’t believe that to be true.
- Why are you so angry calm down.
- It’s your fault cause you made me do that.
- What’s in the past is in the past.
- What do you have that I could possibly use you for?
- The minute we’re good you go and look for something to fight about; if that’s what you want then why don’t you just leave .
- You are going to believe what you want you always do.
- What you said was childish.
- You don’t know what you’re talking about.
- This conversation is over.
- You’ll stop right there if you know what’s good for you.
- You just cant stop pushing your agenda/crazy on me, can you?
- You aren’t going to stop are you.
- Have you listened to yourself?
- You are so outrageous.
- Deep down even you don’t believe you.
- I’m done talking about this.
- Stop talking.
- Shut your mouth. I’ve had enough.
- You know you do this too me.
- I don’t know what you are going on about.
- What are you going on about now?
- Get over it. I was just kidding!
- I forgot you’re perfect, you never make mistakes.
- There’s two sets of rules with you.
- Get your head right.
- Well, do your best, just don’t let me down.
- I just asked you that question… Why are you asking me the same question stop playing games.
- I know what you think.
- You need mental help.
- I didn’t say that.
- Ok, I said that, but I meant it different way.
- I’m concerned about you.
- I didn’t realize ___ was important to you. (When you have spent hours and hours with that topic in the *forefront of your life.)
- I can’t do anything right.
- You’re the one that’s hard to deal with.
- You need to get your medications/lab work checked. You need to get evaluated for bipolar disorder.
- You need psych treatment.
- Its all in your mind.
- You’re the one with problems.
- You need to be put in a mental institution.
- I’m fine. You’re the one who’s crazy and needs help.
- You need to see a shrink.
- My friends know what your like.
- I don’t need to listen to this crap.
- I’m trying to help you.
- Don’t think your so special.
- I’ll make you childless.
- You’re such an exaggerator!
- Do you hear yourself?
- What a joke you are.
- Do you even pay attention to what comes out of your own mouth?
- You are missunderstanding all the time.
- No, you’re wrong.
- Why do you ask me if I love you don’t you think someone can love you?
- Nobody will listen to you.
- You are wasting your breath.
- Can’t you take a joke.
- You just don’t understand!
- There’s just no pleasing you.
- It’s all in your head open your eyes.
- I’m sorry to hurt you.
- You are just so sad to look at.
- You are emotionally unstable.
- You’re being aggressive/hostile.
- What? That’s strange!
- Don’t try to suck me into your crazy.
- I’m not buying your crazy today.
- You don’t know anything.
- I am a product of what you made.
- You are the narcissist. People like you are always trying to hide your controlling behavior under the guise of being nice.